[personal profile] flexibeast
Several years ago, my then-partner and i started getting into the Black Lace series of novels, which were basically marketed as "women-oriented erotica". At first, we were thrilled to find books that matched our taste in sexually-explicit writing. But over time, we discovered that more and more of the series had a bdsm-theme - which neither of us were into - until it got to the point where we gave up on finding non-bdsm themed books entirely. Maybe Black Lace were publishing them; but if so, bookstores weren't interested in stocking them.

i've discussed my troubled relationship with bdsm here before. But today i realised just how much of an effect bdsm-related issues are having on me.

Basically, i've let myself feel marginalised by the preponderance of bdsm-based identities, behaviours and discussions in non-heteronormative communities. And i've let myself feel that my sexuality is worthless because it's not based on bdsm. For me, the feeling is similar to the one i experience when heterosexuals assume that i'm heterosexual (and therefore, of course, appreciative of remarks denigrating queers), or when men assume that i'm a cisgendered male (and therefore, of course, appreciative of remarks denigrating women).

The end result has been a fading of my libido as my sexuality curls up into an ever-tightening ball in a corner.

So i need to work on reclaiming my sexuality as something worthwhile, even though it's lacking the components that (apparently) most members of non-heteronormative communities find attractive at the moment. i need to learn to find value in those aspects of my sexuality that many others don't: aspects such as my love of public sex, loud sex and anal sex. And i know i'm not the only person in Australia's non-heteronormative communities to have these sexual interests. In the words of Hillel: "If I am not for me, who will be? If I am for myself alone, who am I? And if not now, when?" [ Pirkei Avoth 1:14 ]
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

If you are unable to use this captcha for any reason, please contact us by email at support@dreamwidth.org


 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

flexibeast: Baphomet (Default)
flexibeast

Journal Tags

Style Credit

Powered by Dreamwidth Studios