Parallels?

[flexibeast]

i've just written a post on trans_jews regarding coming to acknowledge the possibility of identifying as trans (in my specific case, a trans woman), and the possibility of identifying as Jewish.

Edited 2013-02-05

In case the trans_news LJ community disappears, and that post gets deleted, i reproduce it here:

Hi all,

i'm a bit nervous about posting this, as i'm not sure what sort of response i'll get . . . . i hope it's at least a thoughtful, and not flamey, one. :-)

i was born into a technically Anglican household, but one that was not at all observant. For many years i strongly identified as an atheist, but several years ago began to move in a consciously spiritual direction. (i still defend atheism against the ludicrous claims levelled against it, however, e.g. that atheists inherently lack morals or ethics.) Eventually i've settled on self-identifying as a Judeo-Satanist witch. A typical response to that is "Zuh??", so i'll explain. :-)

i identify as a 'witch' due to the fact that i practice 'magic' by working to develop "the art of changing consciousness at will". i identify as a Satanist not in the e.g. LaVeyian sense, but in the sense that i regard the Adversary as an aspect of the Divine which constantly challenges us and tests us in a way that gives us insight as to whether we're on the correct path or not (as in the story of Balaam and his ass). And i modify all that with 'Judeo' because although i'm not halachically Jewish - even in the Progressive /
Reform / Liberal senses, let alone more conservative senses - i am nevertheless finding myself increasingly immersing myself in Jewish spiritual thought, which influences my beliefs and practices. Indeed, preferentially, i would identify as Jewish.

So here's the thing that's recently occured to me: i see parallels between coming to acknowledge the possibility of identifying as trans (in my specific case, a trans woman), and the possibility of identifying as Jewish. In both cases, there is an inner sense that is difficult to explain to anyone else that "this is who i am"; in both cases, there are many who would say that i'm not really trans or Jewish because i haven't gone through some sort of 'official' conversion process (i.e. SRS or giyur); and even were i go to through the 'conversion', there would still be many who would, on various grounds, claim that i'm not really trans, a woman or Jewish enough.

i've actually considered formal conversion to Judaism - the strands of Judaism i feel closest to are, primarily, Renewal and secondarily, Reform (which has given me the impression of being slightly more progressive than our equivalent here in Australia, Progressive Judaism). i suspect, however, that i would be unable to find people willing to support my conversion, particularly given that i'm not intending to lie about the 'Satanist witch' bit, even though i do genuinely think that my beliefs are coherent and defensible within a Jewish context (to the extent that, say, Reform beliefs are coherent and defensible). And part of me feels like i shouldn't need to formally convert anyway, because - even though many would say that i'm the embodiment of chillul hashem in my approach to Judaism and the way in which i'm increasingly taking on Jewish spiritual practices - i tend to feel that in the end, HaShem will be my judge. Finally, given that i'm bigendered - i.e. identify as both female and male - i'm not sure how any putative conversion process would work, given that it's typically rather gendered. :-)

So there it is. Thoughts, comments, anyone?

Comments

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I'd like to comment here if that's all right on the Jewish thing, seeing as I am Jewish :)

I find that Judaism, more than anything else, is identifying with a certain tribal history. Religiously speaking I'm Agnosto-Atheist, so I can't comment on your religious-spiritual practices.
Halachicly speaking I'm Jewish because my mother is Jewish. I have no intention of practising the faith of my "tribe", nor raising my potential children in that manner - any potential child of mine can chose to believe whatever they want. I would, however, want to make sure that those children understand and know the history of the people and Tribe I come from.

I think the main issue of concern would be appropriation. Judaism is a religion of a cultural minority who more often than not live within a cultural majority - this makes Jewish identity a very funny thing indeed as more often than not Jewish identity comes with Jewish community.
I think it's difficult being Jewish if you're alone - because you're so isolated from the culture that you're inside - like all minorities, you seek who you are like in order to find a semblance of balance when living in a society that more often than not has harsh preconceived notion regarding your people, ethnicity and history.

Getting back to my point, Judaism is a Tribe - if you're born into it, you don't need to prove a whole lot - go through some initiation ceremonies "brit milah", "bar/bat mitzvah" and all that and due to being a Tribe "we" are picky about who gets to join us and are quite prickly when we hear of people who want to wear a kippah because it looks "snazzy" or wear a tzitzit because they like the knots, not knowing what it actually means to wear them.

It's an interesting perspective that you have, not being "trans" enough etc, it's definitely an issue in the LGB community regarding our Trans siblings - not to mention the whole "passing" thing, which is really more a safety issue (if I understand correctly) than an aspect of your identity - I mean, you're a woman wether or not you're read as one, right?.

Yes, Orthodox Judaism would say that only through their conversion would you be "really Jewish", I think as long as you convert and are acknowledged as Jewish by the Jewish community of your choice - no one can say anything against you - and the amount you actually practice the religion or your belief in any deity is no one's business but your own.

Gah! Long comment is LONG!

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

i was hoping you would comment. :-) Thanks for doing so!

The appropriation issue is certainly one i've given serious thought to. i guess i basically feel that my underlying willingness to formally convert demonstrates that i take Judaism seriously, that i'm not just superficially enganging with it due to perceived trendiness of some kind or because i don't want to deal with the 'fun' consequences of being Jewishness (e.g. being personally blamed for Israeli war crimes or Bernie Madoff :-P ). i not only read extensively - i read the parashot and haftarot, i read the URJ's "10 minutes of Torah" and "Eilu v'Eilu" series, i read articles posted to the MyJewishLearning feed, and i've read Moshe ben Maimon's Guide for the Perplexed and sections of his Mishneh Torah, the Sefer ha-Bahir, the Sefer Yeztirah and Moshe Chaim Luzzatto's 138 Openings of Wisdom, amongst other things - but also experience Jewish communities via online groups (even if i don't actively participate in them most of the time precisely because i'm not formally Jewish). i must say that the common emphasis on physical interaction with communities, although understandable, has struck me, as someone on the tail end of many years of CFS as a bit ableist. And the URJ's Eilu v'Eilu series has recently been discussing the many independent minyanim that have been springing up in the US, and how Reform Judaism should engage with the fact that there are increasingly many Jews engaging with Judaism through such non-traditional channels, including teh IntarWebs.

Re. passing, as someone who is bigendered, passing privilege basiclaly isn't available to me without doing violence to my sense of self in some way - for example, i could easily pass as male if i bind, but that would be fundamentally denying my sense of womanhood. i must say i have entertained the question of the extent to which i could pass as Jewish: i'm pretty sure i couldn't pass as Jewish in the purely cultural sense, but i suspect at this point that i might be able to pass in the spiritual sense as a giyoret . . . .

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Huh, I hadn't considered the abelist direction, mainly because I am living in the only country in the world in which I don't actually have to "work at" being Jewish if you get my meaning.
I think internet communities are as valid as IRL ones when it comes to figuring out how you want to be Jewish - I mean, I feel way more comfy talking about my Jewish identity on-line than I do IRL in which I pretty much do my best to reject any association with the Israeli Jewish establishment - it is a complex thing to do, no doubt.

I can't comment on you physically passing, cis-privilege ahoy - but on passing as Jewish - well, not so sure what passing as Jewish would be other than saying a few phrases in Hebrew :-P, but anyone who has learned a bit and is immersed in Jewish mysticism would be able to say stuff in Hebrew.
I mean, you could say "Oy" on occasion, hehe.

My perspective is skewed by the fact that, as I said, I'm Agnosto-Atheist, my understanding of Jewish ethics is taken and practised in a completely secular way - my Tikkun Olam is social activism, my Kosher food is eating as ethically as possible, my Sabbath is believing that a culture of leisure is imperative for a labouring society.
That's how I see Judaism, the metaphysical aspect is a bit lost on me - I don't know Maimonides and the only Hillel I know is: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - which is much shorter in Hebrew - that is the whole of the Torah "on one leg".
Oh, and I don't fast on Yom Kippur - bad Jew, bad.

However, since I was born Jewish, there's no religious authority that can take that piece of identity away from me - which is not the case with Jews-by-Choice, there was a bit of a horror story here last year, in which a certain Rabbii's conversions were revoked because the Rabbinical court said he was too lenient.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

my Tikkun Olam is social activism, my Kosher food is eating as ethically as possible, my Sabbath is believing that a culture of leisure is imperative for a labouring society.

That's pretty much where i'm coming from as well, which might be yet another aspect of my heterodoxy that demonstrates how unsuitable i am for conversion. :-)

there was a bit of a horror story here last year, in which a certain Rabbii's conversions were revoked because the Rabbinical court said he was too lenient.

Yes, i read about that; i found this (http://www.jewishideas.org/min-hamuvhar/conversion-judaism-halakha-hashkafa-and-histori) to be a particularly interesting article on the relevant issues, not least because of my own interest in conversion.