The wrat's breakdown

On Tuesday morning, naked_wrat had a nervous breakdown.

Now that she's finished her thesis, the events of the past year have finally caught up with her. The stress of trying to complete a thesis whilst Centrelink demanded she look for full-time work; the stress of being in an abusive relationship with her former partner, and the stress of ending that six-year relationship; the stress of having so-called 'friends' abandon her due to her ending that relationship and beginning a new one with a trans person; the stress of having one of those so-called 'friends' threaten her with physical violence on that same basis; the stress of moving interstate, from Newcastle to Melbourne, with only the bare minimum of support from her family (her parents still, over nine months later, haven't sent down several of her things, including her tv); the stress placed on her by having to attend numerous 'training' sessions which supposedly enhance her prospects of gaining full-time work, but which instead are too basic and too inappropriate for her specific needs, and thus simply waste her time; the stress of worrying about not being able to finish her thesis on time; the stress resulting from getting severely ill just as she was granted an extension on her thesis: all these things gathered up inside her, with nowhere to go, as she focussed on finishing her thesis. Now that point of focus has gone, everything is trying to burst out, and it's overwhelming her.

She cried and cried and cried, howling into a pillow, whilst i tried to comfort her, and our housemate C. rang around trying to find a counsellor who could provide same-day assistance. After much work on C.'s part, she found a local counsellor who made half an hour in her schedule to see naked_wrat. The counsellor was great; she made some very insightful comments (to wit, about how Centrelink's micromanagement of job seekers would press buttons for someone coming out of a relationship with a highly controlling partner, as is the case for naked_wrat), and has made formal requests to Centrelink for them to stop hassling naked_wrat for a while, on the basis of mental health concerns. She is also going to provide naked_wrat with some regular counselling, for a short while at least, to help naked_wrat work through those things that she hasn't had a chance to process until now. So that was all positive.

Since then, naked_wrat has been trying to take it easy and 'chill out. Encouragingly, the vibes i've been getting from her recently have not been those of tension; and as i'm writing this, she's doing some meditative relaxation exercises. She's a strong person: she'll get through this, and she and i will get through this together.