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flexibeastIn a recent blog entry, Rodney Croome wrote:
i disagree. Although Croome has frequently commented that the introduction of 'no-fault' divorce laws has in theory made marriage less of a ball-and-chain than it used to be (particularly for women), i think he focuses too much on the legal aspects of the institution of marriage and nowhere near enough on the social aspects of that institution.
Someone recently posted the 1971 essay "I Want a Wife" to the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
womens_studies community, and i feel that many aspects of it would still resonate with many married women today; that marriage is still, socially speaking, a very gendered institution. It's been so for thousands of years, and i doubt that it could change substantially within a mere few decades. i've often seen people in same-sex relationships refer to the homemaker of the couple as the 'wife' (in a manner ranging from joking, to "Ha ha only serious", to completely serious). Conversely, even when people use the term 'wife' to simply mean "the woman to whom I'm married", to many people it still implies 'homemaker', 'primary carer' etc. Furthermore, even if legally a woman could simply ask for, and get, a divorce, it's not necessarily the case that such a move would be socially acceptable: there's still a lot of pressure on women in particular to maintain the marriage "for the good of the kids", "to not embarrass and/or reflect badly on the family", "to not disrespect the husband" etc., even if she's in a DV situation. i thus suspect that in a number of instances, it may well be easier for a woman to leave a non-marriage relationship than a marriage relationship.
Then, too, let's not forget that property rights are still a fundamental component of marriage, even if the property rights in question don't necessarily involve regarding one person as a chattel. Indeed, property rights are openly being cited as a reason (albeit amongst others) for the recognition of same-sex relationships, whether in the form of civil unions or marriage. Furthermore, legally speaking, marriage is still solely about sexual and romantic monogamy - being married to two people, 'bigamy', is against the law - which typically (but of course, not always) involves asserting rights over another person's body ("If you want to have sex with someone else, I forbid it")1.
Given all the above, is it any wonder that i find it difficult to simply regard marriage - as Croome perhaps does - as nothing more than, or primarily, a formal statement of love and commitment? Given all the above baggage, i would rather not be associated with the institution of marriage, even though i would love to have a commitment ceremony with both my partners (although i do feel that love and commitment are far better demonstrated by daily deeds and words than by a commitment ceremony).
As i've noted before, i don't think the state has any business recognising, and therefore privileging, certain consensual adult relationships and not others. (Particularly when it means a six-month marriage is valued more than the unmarried-yet-deeply-committed relationship i've had for several years with both my current partners.) By the same token, however, if the state is going to do so, i want the relationships it recognises to be as broad as possible; and so i support the right to not only same-sex civil unions, but same-sex marriage too. And i will respect people's descriptions of the consensual relationships they have, regardless of whether or not that description is approved by the state.
1. To me, that's not true monogamy; that's forced monogamy. i can't understand the people who claim they're "naturally monogamous" yet need to enforce rules about the sexual and romantic lives of their partners. Surely if both partners in the relationship are "naturally monogamous", they would not be interested in anyone else but their partner, and the enforcement of such rules would be unnecessary. True monogamy makes me go "Awww!"; forced monogamy makes me go :-/.
Gay liberationists, older-style feminists, and baby-boomers still suffering the scars of their parents' loveless VJ-Day marriages, are deeply suspicious of the institution of marriage. It was their ideological demon, as it is now the religious right's ideological angel. Altman is emblematic of these groups. He vents his and their hostility to marriage as a curse from the past crippling the future.i'm not a baby boomer, so presumably i'm both a "gay liberationist" and an "older-style feminist", because i'm not at all enamoured of the institution of marriage; and i'm guessing, from the tone of Croome's comments, that this makes me some kind of out-of-touch 'old fogey', that criticising the institution of marriage is a ludicrous relic from a bygone era.
Together, all this political expediency and ideology will coalesce into a concerted campaign, both within and without Labor circles, to diminish and dismiss same-sex marriage.
i disagree. Although Croome has frequently commented that the introduction of 'no-fault' divorce laws has in theory made marriage less of a ball-and-chain than it used to be (particularly for women), i think he focuses too much on the legal aspects of the institution of marriage and nowhere near enough on the social aspects of that institution.
Someone recently posted the 1971 essay "I Want a Wife" to the
womens_studies community, and i feel that many aspects of it would still resonate with many married women today; that marriage is still, socially speaking, a very gendered institution. It's been so for thousands of years, and i doubt that it could change substantially within a mere few decades. i've often seen people in same-sex relationships refer to the homemaker of the couple as the 'wife' (in a manner ranging from joking, to "Ha ha only serious", to completely serious). Conversely, even when people use the term 'wife' to simply mean "the woman to whom I'm married", to many people it still implies 'homemaker', 'primary carer' etc. Furthermore, even if legally a woman could simply ask for, and get, a divorce, it's not necessarily the case that such a move would be socially acceptable: there's still a lot of pressure on women in particular to maintain the marriage "for the good of the kids", "to not embarrass and/or reflect badly on the family", "to not disrespect the husband" etc., even if she's in a DV situation. i thus suspect that in a number of instances, it may well be easier for a woman to leave a non-marriage relationship than a marriage relationship.Then, too, let's not forget that property rights are still a fundamental component of marriage, even if the property rights in question don't necessarily involve regarding one person as a chattel. Indeed, property rights are openly being cited as a reason (albeit amongst others) for the recognition of same-sex relationships, whether in the form of civil unions or marriage. Furthermore, legally speaking, marriage is still solely about sexual and romantic monogamy - being married to two people, 'bigamy', is against the law - which typically (but of course, not always) involves asserting rights over another person's body ("If you want to have sex with someone else, I forbid it")1.
Given all the above, is it any wonder that i find it difficult to simply regard marriage - as Croome perhaps does - as nothing more than, or primarily, a formal statement of love and commitment? Given all the above baggage, i would rather not be associated with the institution of marriage, even though i would love to have a commitment ceremony with both my partners (although i do feel that love and commitment are far better demonstrated by daily deeds and words than by a commitment ceremony).
As i've noted before, i don't think the state has any business recognising, and therefore privileging, certain consensual adult relationships and not others. (Particularly when it means a six-month marriage is valued more than the unmarried-yet-deeply-committed relationship i've had for several years with both my current partners.) By the same token, however, if the state is going to do so, i want the relationships it recognises to be as broad as possible; and so i support the right to not only same-sex civil unions, but same-sex marriage too. And i will respect people's descriptions of the consensual relationships they have, regardless of whether or not that description is approved by the state.
1. To me, that's not true monogamy; that's forced monogamy. i can't understand the people who claim they're "naturally monogamous" yet need to enforce rules about the sexual and romantic lives of their partners. Surely if both partners in the relationship are "naturally monogamous", they would not be interested in anyone else but their partner, and the enforcement of such rules would be unnecessary. True monogamy makes me go "Awww!"; forced monogamy makes me go :-/.
