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flexibeastIn talking about libido, i find it useful to distinguish between what i term 'core libido', 'expressible libido' and 'expressed libido'. i suspect that most people would find my core libido to be pretty high; i'd like partnered sex at least twice a day, in addition to any solo sex i might engage in. Of course, a combination of CFS and a variety of life commitments - housework, study etc. - means that i don't necessarily have the spoons for this, and so my expressible libido is frequently lower than that. And then expressed libido is lower again, due to time constraints, lack of willing and able sexual partner(s) at a given moment, other priorities, and so on.
When i experience a disjunct between my expressible libido and my expressed libido, it's sad, but oh well. The regular, and substantial, disjunct between my core libido and my expressed libido is a different matter: i find it annoying through to frustrating when i experience a strong inner sense of desire and horniness, but physiologically, my body is either not interested or only vaguely interested at best. It doesn't help that i'm someone who spends too much time in her head, constantly analysing and turning things over in my mind; such tendencies are not particularly compatible with the in-the-moment-ness that helps one become physiologically aroused.
i'm hoping that as my health slowly improves, the core libido / expressed libido disjunct will lessen. In the meantime, working on mindfulness might help me not only in this regard, but in other areas of my life as well.
When i experience a disjunct between my expressible libido and my expressed libido, it's sad, but oh well. The regular, and substantial, disjunct between my core libido and my expressed libido is a different matter: i find it annoying through to frustrating when i experience a strong inner sense of desire and horniness, but physiologically, my body is either not interested or only vaguely interested at best. It doesn't help that i'm someone who spends too much time in her head, constantly analysing and turning things over in my mind; such tendencies are not particularly compatible with the in-the-moment-ness that helps one become physiologically aroused.
i'm hoping that as my health slowly improves, the core libido / expressed libido disjunct will lessen. In the meantime, working on mindfulness might help me not only in this regard, but in other areas of my life as well.
