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flexibeast"Polys need to be from Mars" - because the length of the Martian day is longer than the length of the Terran day. Not by much: a Mars day is approximately 24 hours and 40 minutes long. But maybe even having a little extra time each day would allow those of us with multiple partners to spend more time with them. :-)
One of the (many) interesting things i've encountered through being poly was that, freed from constraints on how many partners i could have, i became rather over-optimistic about how many partners i could sensibly have in my life. i already have two wonderful life partners, who i both consider to be 'primaries'. And yet i still meet people that i am strongly attracted to, that i could imagine myself falling in love with; and the relationship arrangements that my partners and i have are such that i am free to pursue relationships with such people. But i am very much in love with both my current partners, and i want to devote time and energy to them and to the relationships i have with them. So i have to be careful that any putative relationships i might have in the future don't significantly impact on those i already have and enjoy being a part of.
In practical terms, that means that another primary relationship is most definitely out of the question. A secondary relationship is certainly possible, but i wouldn't enter into it lightly, given the commitments i already have: i wouldn't want to put myself, my current partners and my new partner in a situation where any one or more of us felt that they were being neglected.
All this has in turn meant accepting realities of time and resources. Although i can be in love with more than one person at a time, being in a relationship with more than one person at a time requires me to commit time and resources to all those relationships - time and resources which are, unfortunately, very noticeably finite, especially given my health issues. Because i believe that not accepting those realities would be unfair on all those involved, and might eventually result in one or more people getting hurt - and i have no desire to be part of either scenario.
One of the (many) interesting things i've encountered through being poly was that, freed from constraints on how many partners i could have, i became rather over-optimistic about how many partners i could sensibly have in my life. i already have two wonderful life partners, who i both consider to be 'primaries'. And yet i still meet people that i am strongly attracted to, that i could imagine myself falling in love with; and the relationship arrangements that my partners and i have are such that i am free to pursue relationships with such people. But i am very much in love with both my current partners, and i want to devote time and energy to them and to the relationships i have with them. So i have to be careful that any putative relationships i might have in the future don't significantly impact on those i already have and enjoy being a part of.
In practical terms, that means that another primary relationship is most definitely out of the question. A secondary relationship is certainly possible, but i wouldn't enter into it lightly, given the commitments i already have: i wouldn't want to put myself, my current partners and my new partner in a situation where any one or more of us felt that they were being neglected.
All this has in turn meant accepting realities of time and resources. Although i can be in love with more than one person at a time, being in a relationship with more than one person at a time requires me to commit time and resources to all those relationships - time and resources which are, unfortunately, very noticeably finite, especially given my health issues. Because i believe that not accepting those realities would be unfair on all those involved, and might eventually result in one or more people getting hurt - and i have no desire to be part of either scenario.
Poly choices!
Date: 2005-10-20 03:08 (UTC)wow, that is a very considerate point of view, considerate of all involved I mean, and I celebrate you for it. One of the many reasons that I Love you so dearly Darling!
So any contenders for secondary that I should know about :-P :-P :-P
Love ya lots Gorgeous, and so proud to have you as a partner, *tls*
passionate tongue wrestling kisses, mmmm, now there's an idea!
Sacred Harlot :-* :-* :-*
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Date: 2005-10-20 03:14 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 03:42 (UTC)Main reasons are the fact that we both seem to keep meeting wonderful people who live too damned far from us...like say on the opposite coast (We live in California, her fella is in New York, my lady is in Tennesee). We both are strong believers in the keeping of the primary mate ("primates" to those in the know) and we spend much of our time together. We do offer each other weekend passes with the other mates, one of us stays back and watches our son. It's really all economics here and convenience, not for a lack of desire to visit. Do you find the same difficulties, hierodule? I'm sure you all live in the same town...would be nice to meet someone I can have that assured connection with more local to myself.
There's always next year! ;)
XR
PS...love reading abt how you all are doing there, give the wrat my best, as I think she really awesome! I think I told her, but ya know...
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Date: 2005-10-20 03:56 (UTC)We do live in the same city now - a couple of suburbs from each other but it wasn't always this way. I was in another state when I fell for
BTW I thinks ya pretty cool yaself :)
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Date: 2005-10-20 04:00 (UTC)This is one of the reasons why I love you so much hunny!!! Like
Re: Poly choices!
Date: 2005-10-20 04:01 (UTC)As for possible secondaries: you know very well where my interests lie. :-)
Love you lots too gorgeous! *returns passionate tonguing and kissing*
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Date: 2005-10-20 04:33 (UTC)If i may ask, how's the business going?
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Date: 2005-10-20 04:50 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 04:50 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 07:50 (UTC)The time and energy problem is probably the main reason I'm not looking to add past my current one (and a half?) partners. I barely get to spend all the time and energy I want to on this one, I can't imagine trying to budget the time out. I could probably make it work, but it would have to be for an extra someone who was pretty damn awesome, and I haven't met anyone who fits the right criteria for that yet :)
I think time should just be abolished altogether, personally.
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Date: 2005-10-20 08:02 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 13:00 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 13:12 (UTC)I'm sorry....
Date: 2005-10-20 23:01 (UTC)"Where da white wimmin at??"
lmao...sorry if I went and got silly there...but hey! we're all buds here, right?? ;)
XR
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Date: 2005-10-21 07:59 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-21 10:03 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-14 03:18 (UTC)Poly means so much to so many people, that to say you don't feel "poly" is really saying you don't match one persons definition of what "poly" is.
What it is, is difficult, because it's multiple people communicating. And it's good to know your limits.
Ok...only that last bit was relevant, but I feel better for saying all of it. Hope you don't mind.
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Date: 2005-11-14 04:30 (UTC)And i very much agree with you about there being so many meanings of the term 'poly' - to me, a simple minimal definition is something along the lines of "a relationship style in which a person has a romantic and/or emotional commitment to more than one person". Personally, my style of poly has spiritual and political overtones too; but i don't see those overtones as a sine qua non of poly. Unfortunately, however, many other people do, which in my opinion makes for rather unproductive discussions . . . . :-(