'hierodule'? 'Baphomet'?

[flexibeast]

i have mixed feelings about saying that i am a hierodule of Baphomet. Several intense spiritual experiences have led me to use this epithet; but i nevertheless feel uncomfortable doing so.

But what do i mean by saying that i'm a 'hierodule'? Well, Cassell's Encyclopedia of Queer Myth, Symbol and Spirit defines 'hierodule' thus:

Like the HETAIRA, male hierodules, often gender variant or transgendered and engaging in same-sex eroticism, have served as spiritual functionaries in many of the world's spiritual traditions, especially those devoted to Goddess Reverence, as in the cults of ASTARTE (as KELABIM), ATHIRAT (as QEDESHIM), BAHUCHARAMATA (as HIJRAS), CYBELE (as GALLI), and INANNA/ISHTAR) (as ASSINNU, KURGARRU, etc.). In these traditions, they are representatives of the primary deity. In others, such as in the cult of the Hindu deity KRISHNA, they represent the beloved or "bride" or the god, in this case, RADHA or the GOPIS. In still other contexts, male hierodules represent an androgynous, gynandrous, or transgendered deity, as do devotees of the Hindu deity ARDHANARISHVARA.

So to cast it in Western terms, the word 'priest/ess' might be roughly analagous.

So what's up with the 'Baphomet' part? Well, haw_thorn has written an excellent essay entitled Who The Hell Is Baphomet, And Why Am I Kissing Her Arse?. Offline, there's a wonderful piece of prose poetry about Baphomet in Raven Kaldera's Hermaphrodeities, which in part reads:

I am Baphomet
Lord of Perversions
What they throw away I save
What they devalue I hold holy
What they tread underfoot I raise up
What they cast off as ugly decorates my holy raiment
What they fear becomes my weapon
I am both man and woman
I am filled with lust for both man and woman
I am only as cruel as your own repressed desires
and only as hard on you as you are on yourself
I will prey on your mind, legions of sterility!
Here I stand with horns and hooves and hair
and I cannot be made pure and heavenly.
Here I stand with goat's beard and woman's breasts
and I cannot be made simply man or woman
Here I stand with hard cock and wet cunt
and I cannot be made into a safely sexless androgyne
Here I stand with whips in my hand
-those whom I love I chastise with many rods-
and I cannot be made to kneel and serve
Here I stand, uprightwing boys-
are you ready for me?

This, i feel, neatly encapsulates what Baphomet has come to represent to me, via my meditations and my experiences; although one aspect of Baphomet that's not mentioned in that quote is what i refer to as "the great adversary", which i'll come back to shortly.

So on what basis can i call myself a priest/ess of this Baphomet dude? Partly it's because i've had several intense experiences channeling Baphomet (some of which were 'substance-assisted', so to speak), which sacred_harlot witnessed, and which made my spiritual path pretty darn clear; partly because i seem to be an inherently provocative person, even when i'm not trying to be; and last but not least, because the imagery

Here I stand with goat's beard and woman's breasts
and I cannot be made simply man or woman
Here I stand with hard cock and wet cunt
and I cannot be made into a safely sexless androgyne

fairly closely describes what feels 'right' to me in terms of my trans identity (although sadly, i don't have a cunt :-(( ), and in terms of the importance of sexuality to me.

"inherently provocative person" - to me, Baphomet is inherently provocative, because Baphomet is "the great adversary", the being who challenges us, who finds the buttons that we have within ourselves that we may or may not admit to, who asks questions of us which we don't want to hear let alone answer. And i seem to be like that myself, even, to my chagrin, when i'm not trying to be. Sometimes i do so in a *cough* less-than-diplomatic way; but even when i believe i'm being as diplomatic as possible, i often find myself asking questions or making observations that send many people into either fits of apoplexy or telling silences. It's not something i do consciously; it just happens, despite having made numerous efforts to try to avoid letting it "just happen".

It's in this way that i feel it makes sense to call myself a "hierodule of Baphomet": not because of a vastly over-inflated sense of self-importance, and a desire to impress and engage in power-over (a sadly common occurence in many pagan communities); nor because i have an extensive knowledge - intellectual and/or experiential - of the Mysteries. (If i were silly to claim that i do, there are several people on my f-list who could quickly, and quite rightly, put me in my place. :-) ) Instead, it's simply that i feel i embody a number of the characteristics which i believe make up the aspect of the Divine that i call 'Baphomet'; and i feel that my spiritual path requires me to challenge both myself and "received wisdom", particularly in the area of sexuality.

It's a long journey . . . .
 

Comments

[velitu.livejournal.com]

i can't tell you how many times i tried to buy that book hermaphrodeities and had it blow up in my face! weird!

hierodule of baphomet makes perfect sense to me! :)

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

So i take it you still haven't been able to acquire a copy of the book yet?

Glad to hear that the phrase makes sense to you. :-)

[velitu.livejournal.com]

nah i still haven't got hold of it unforunately. and it'll have to wait till i get a better job.

[jomaraubat.livejournal.com]

I so wish I had more time to respond to your posts which are always intelligent and interesting and make me want to rush out and find out more. I searched for information about your user name when I first friended you, and at the time (and now) it seems a pretty damn good fit. And I don't think there's enough provocation inthis world. Love having you on my flist:)

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :-)