Sex

[flexibeast]

*sigh*

It's really sad how many people promote one form of sexual activity between consenting adults as being inherently superior to another. Some examples:

• The view of some poly people that sex-for-the-sake-of-sex is a bad thing, that there's something inherently wrong with sex itself that can only be mitigated through the addition of romantic love (as a result of which it suddenly becomes a "beautiful thing").


• The view of some bdsmers that they are superior as a result of having "transcended genitally-based sexuality". Because as we all know, genitally-based sexuality is obviously something we should all be striving to avoid. :-P


• The view of some pagans that sex outside of some sort of formal ritual is debased, and that only within ritual does it become sanctified into a sacred act.

The apparent underlying hostility towards sex-in-itself may go some way to explaining why many people in otherwise-progressive sexual communities still regard trash-talking swingers and swinging as acceptable (e.g. using the disparaging phrase "You're just a swinger"). The implication often seems to be that since swingers aren't necessarily looking for love, transcendence, ritual etc. with their sex, they must be soulless people who coldly use others for sex and then discard them, and are thus worthy of disparagement.

i have no problem with people needing romantic love with their sex, or with getting off on non-genital forms of sex, or expressing their sexual through formal ritual, and so on. i do, however, have a problem with people trying to justify their preferred form of sexual expression by leveraging society's sex-negative attitudes to assert the 'superiority' of that form of expression.
 

Comments

[trinityva.livejournal.com]

I agree that the hostility stinks. However, I also think that there's a weird expectation in a lot of alternative sexuality communities that Person X who is, say, poly, or kinky, or a swinger, is expected to never ever be grossed out by Person Y, who is some other thing on that list. And while I thought when I first started out in the scene that that made sense, it really doesn't fly in reality. People don't become magically accepting of anything just because they find what they want, and I think expecting them to be causes a lot of issues.

There are other forms of alternate sexuality I just don't understand and really have no desire to understand, and swinging is one of them. I don't in any way think people shouldn't swing if it works for them, but I also don't think I really have any reason to think about it or care, unless it be to fight for their rights to do what they want.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

I also think that there's a weird expectation in a lot of alternative sexuality communities that Person X who is, say, poly, or kinky, or a swinger, is expected to never ever be grossed out by Person Y, who is some other thing on that list. And while I thought when I first started out in the scene that that made sense, it really doesn't fly in reality. People don't become magically accepting of anything just because they find what they want, and I think expecting them to be causes a lot of issues.

Fair points . . . . it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that people often don't do as they would like to be done by, and are happy to complain about being harrassed, discriminated against etc. whilst themselves doing it to others. But although i now pretty much accept that fact, doesn't mean to say that i'm happy with it, and that i'm no longer going to try to advocate behaviours which express solidarity instead of marginalisation.

There are other forms of alternate sexuality I just don't understand and really have no desire to understand, and swinging is one of them. I don't in any way think people shouldn't swing if it works for them, but I also don't think I really have any reason to think about it or care, unless it be to fight for their rights to do what they want.

*nod* On the other hand (as you well know) i'm not hugely interested in bdsm - yet in many of the communities i am, or have been, involved in, it's almost kinky to not be into kink. So i haven't had the luxury of being able to not think or care about bdsm, because it's in my face all the time; and as a result (as i related in an earlier entry) i have felt highly marginalised. Consequently, for my own peace of mind, i've had to think about bdsm and learn to relate to it in a constructive manner.