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flexibeastSeveral years ago, when a former partner and i were at a sex party, my partner got sexually assaulted by someone. She had already told this guy "No!", quite clearly, but he still tried to enter her, sans condom, as she was going down on someone else. My partner was, naturally, rather upset by this, but too shocked and hurt to do anything other than say "Let's go". Unwisely, she and i nevertheless had sexual contact sometime during the next 24-48 hours.
A week later, we discovered we'd both contracted genital herpes.
So we got the relevant treatments and took them religiously, and the symptoms disappeared. i don't know about my former partner, but i've never had another outbreak, despite having CFS (or whatever it 'should' be called at the moment) and major depression and having gone through a series of majorly stressful events since that time. This doesn't surprise me, really, since i, like so many other people, had chickenpox - part of the herpes family - when i was a child, but haven't had any bouts of the shingles, either, again despite the above.
Now, i had been told that genital herpes could only be passed on when it was symptomatic. So i've been having a lot ofunprotected sex with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
naked_wrat and sacred_harlot for quite some time now, and haven't worried about them contracting it. And indeed, the most recent tests have shown that they haven't contracted it.
But last week, during a discussion on the Pleasure Activism Australia Yahoo! group, i discovered that genital herpes can be passed on even when one is not having an 'episode', via something called 'asymptomatic shedding'.
Let me put that aside for a moment.
In addition to having CFS/whatever and major depression, i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). i've had it for several years, and certainly had it before i got herpes. It has generally manifested in two particular ways: firstly, having to check and re-check and re-re-check etc. things that i do; and secondly, a strong fear that i'm "contaminated" and that i'm going to infect the world with some terrible illness. The latter fear had subsided in recent times, such that my OCD-driven behaviours could generally look to an outside observer as being 'merely' over-fastidious.
In the last week or so - since the above online discussion - that has changed.
i'm now feeling very 'dirty', and not in the yummy sexy way. It's now clear that i can't have casual sex even with condoms and even though i'm not symptomatic, unless i first make it very clear to every potential play partner that genital herpes is lying dormant in my system somewhere, and that there is a risk that it could be contracted from me via asymptomatic shedding. Which is clearly really sexy foreplay. :-P
So i'm feeling dirty and disgusting and contagious, and that i have to avoid human interaction as much as possible. It's not a happy place to be in.
A week later, we discovered we'd both contracted genital herpes.
So we got the relevant treatments and took them religiously, and the symptoms disappeared. i don't know about my former partner, but i've never had another outbreak, despite having CFS (or whatever it 'should' be called at the moment) and major depression and having gone through a series of majorly stressful events since that time. This doesn't surprise me, really, since i, like so many other people, had chickenpox - part of the herpes family - when i was a child, but haven't had any bouts of the shingles, either, again despite the above.
Now, i had been told that genital herpes could only be passed on when it was symptomatic. So i've been having a lot ofunprotected sex with
naked_wrat and sacred_harlot for quite some time now, and haven't worried about them contracting it. And indeed, the most recent tests have shown that they haven't contracted it.But last week, during a discussion on the Pleasure Activism Australia Yahoo! group, i discovered that genital herpes can be passed on even when one is not having an 'episode', via something called 'asymptomatic shedding'.
Let me put that aside for a moment.
In addition to having CFS/whatever and major depression, i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). i've had it for several years, and certainly had it before i got herpes. It has generally manifested in two particular ways: firstly, having to check and re-check and re-re-check etc. things that i do; and secondly, a strong fear that i'm "contaminated" and that i'm going to infect the world with some terrible illness. The latter fear had subsided in recent times, such that my OCD-driven behaviours could generally look to an outside observer as being 'merely' over-fastidious.
In the last week or so - since the above online discussion - that has changed.
i'm now feeling very 'dirty', and not in the yummy sexy way. It's now clear that i can't have casual sex even with condoms and even though i'm not symptomatic, unless i first make it very clear to every potential play partner that genital herpes is lying dormant in my system somewhere, and that there is a risk that it could be contracted from me via asymptomatic shedding. Which is clearly really sexy foreplay. :-P
So i'm feeling dirty and disgusting and contagious, and that i have to avoid human interaction as much as possible. It's not a happy place to be in.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 09:32 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-21 05:25 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 13:39 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 07:17 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 13:42 (UTC)But I understand the anxiety you're having. There is a risk of transmission "all the time," but it is a relatively low risk when you're asymptomatic. My ex of seven years had it, and we did not use protection, but I still didn't get it.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 13:43 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 07:21 (UTC)But yes, now that i know that there is such a risk, there's no way i could consider not telling potential play partners about it . . . .
no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 15:03 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 16:44 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 07:23 (UTC)Just so you know...
Date: 2006-10-17 16:46 (UTC)Re: Just so you know...
Date: 2006-10-18 07:25 (UTC)Re: Just so you know...
Date: 2006-10-18 16:02 (UTC)Re: Just so you know...
Date: 2006-10-18 16:20 (UTC)From http://www.herpeshealth.com/ask_the_expert/about_herpes.asp
I have had genital herpes for many years. I am 63 years of age. Can I expect my outbreaks to be less frequent as I age? I take antiviral medication as needed. Will I continue to suffer from herpes when I am old?
It is believed that recurrences tend to diminish with time in most people with genital herpes and that people experience the most outbreaks and the highest degree of viral shedding during the 2 years after the first infection. However, it is important to understand that there is a great deal of variability from one person to the next with regard to the frequency and severity of outbreaks – this means that it is impossible to predict the natural evolution of genital herpes in any given individual. It might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about all of the treatment options available to help you manage your genital herpes.
p.s. I have had shingles before on my face and it sucks.
Re: Just so you know...
Date: 2006-10-21 05:44 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-21 07:53 (UTC)I have cold sores, I have had them since I was a kid, I know about the risks of shedding but choose to have unprotected oral sex when I am asymptomatic, because I have thought about the risks and talked to my partner and he agreed that the risk of infection was low enough to not worry about when my lips are fine.
Sorry you have to deal with the extra social stigma, people suck some times, and I agree with you, tell your place partners, even if it means they don't want to have sex with you because of it, some people are stupid but informed consent in importent.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-21 08:34 (UTC)*nod* It helps when such a decision is made on the basis of actual risks instead of on the basis of "OMG it's like teh leprosy!!1!"
Thanks. :-)
*nod* Exactly.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-21 08:38 (UTC)