Blaming the victim

[flexibeast]

i've been hanging out in a particular IT-related Yahoo! chat room lately - the one i mentioned in a recent LJ entry. From today, however, i'll no longer be doing so.

i recently created a new Yahoo! account because my existing Yahoo! account, 'bi_gendered', was attracting the attention of the small-minded jerks in the room, and causing often-useless discussions about my gender and sexuality. i say "often-useless" because the people in question tended to not want to actually learn about the existence of sexual and gender diversity; most of the jerks in question were not interested in reading the wealth of on- and off-line material via which they could learn about such things, instead of just spouting prejudicial rubbish.

Today, however, i'd decided i'd had enough. Someone in the room started arguing that i should expect to be flamed, given my nick (i.e. 'bi_gendered'); and this same individual went on to basically argue that women who go out at night are "asking for it", i.e. they shouldn't be surprised when they are harrassed, attacked and raped. i became furious at this blaming of the victim, as did naked_wrat, who was also in the room at the time. She was the only one in the room to step up and stand alongside me as we angrily argued that it is a human right not to be harrassed or attacked or raped. In the end, after saying "Oh yes, blame the woman, as usual", i resorted to using ALL CAPS and said "How ABOUT BLAMING THE FUCKING PERPETRATORS, YOU SICK JERK!" And left the room. Only to find out i had been banned from a related IRC room i'd been hanging out in. i suspected the argument in the Yahoo! room and my banning were related, so i briefly re-joined the room in question and said "One last thing: good to see i've been banned from #[IRC channel] . . . . clearly it's unacceptable for people to defend themselves from being attacked and harrassed."

It's bad enough that there are people who blame the victims of violence for what is done to them; it's awful to see bystanders fail to speak out against such people. So i won't be frequenting that room anymore, even though i have met several great people there. On the other hand, as a result of this tiff, naked_wrat and i were invited to an IRC channel which has amongst its basic rules "Be nice", "No gay bashing" and "No racial slurs" :-) "Be nice" - what a novel idea! :-P

Comments

[naked-wrat.livejournal.com]

Yup, it was getting quite hairy in there!

I cannot fathom people that believe that victims of violence deserve what they get because they are just being themselves. It just makes me sick that people don't point the finger at the perpetrator of violence and say 'Oh I think we have a problem as a society we need to fight and fix'!

Like hierodule said, there are good people in there - some very good people - but it's just increasingly being taken over by jerks.

[velitu.livejournal.com]

hope you've been practicing your knee bends. its time to squat and poo in their hats! ;)

stoopid gits.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*nod* To say the least . . . . it's at times like this i wish i knew of stronger sex-positive curse words and phrases. :-)

[naked-wrat.livejournal.com]

with all this squating and pooing in asshats'....er....hats, I'm developing some killer leg muscles! :P

[squire-liz.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear people were being Asshats. I would have spoken up for you...

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*smile* Thanks, i know you would . . . . although it wasn't so much about speaking up for me as speaking up for the rights of women. Clearly, these guys are still pre-Wollstonecraft. :-|

Total asshats

[lart-matt.livejournal.com]

It was not a good moment for the human race. I spend a lot of time in the chatroom in question, (probably /too/ much!), and this was one of the low points.

It's also saddening that such lovely people as hierodule and naked_wrat (sorry i don't know how to make those into linky-things!) are vanishing from the discussions there, due to unpleasant people like that. Surely, there should be pressure on the jerks to change or leave, not the other way round.

Sadly, I think that's a further example of the lack of people speaking out. It shouldn't happen that way - we /should/ make a stand and say, "This is unacceptable, we don't want these attitudes to continue". There /are/ good people there, and I spoke to one or two after the event; it's a shame that two very good friends are gone from there though.

Matt

Re: Total asshats

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :-) *hugs* It's encouraging just to know that there are men like yourself out there who give a damn, and who think that a "blame the victim" mentality is unacceptable.

[otheapathy.livejournal.com]

People suck, I don't know what else to say and unfortunately in the tech/geek world there are a lot of men who have spend no time around people who weren’t straight male normal types who have never considered the concept of being in a different situation. Most people don't want to change there views.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

i guess . . . . but on the other hand, to me, this is a basic question of human rights. Although when i said that in the room, at least one person (the main person i was arguing with) seemed mystified by the notion that it's a basic human right not to be harrassed, attacked and/or raped simply on the basis of one's sex and/or gender. :-|