Envy and frustration
2005-12-29 18:47![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexibeasti'm envious. And i'm frustrated.
i'm envious of people who are physically able to attend social events, or events that at least have a social component. i'm envious of people who, once at said events, aren't socially inept and can, with little or no effort, interact with other people. i'm envious of people for whom smalltalk comes easily, and intellectual discussion is exhausting, rather than the other way around, as it is for me. i'm envious of those people being able to physically meet and network with other people who share similar interests.
i'm also frustrated. Frustrated that, quite reasonably, the vast majority of people feel more 'connected' with someone they've merely spoken to for 15 minutes than someone they've been speaking to via emails over a couple of months. Frustrated that, less reasonably, people assume that if you don't attend an event that they are attending, that you're not interested in interacting with them at all, and, probably, that you're aloof or a snob. Frustrated that i have 'invisible' illnesses, so that people assume i'm a healthy young person who's simply being a lazy slacker. Frustrated, ultimately, that my health issues so often limit what i can do or where i can go.
Some of the above things i can change. Some i may be able to change. And some i can't change. The question is, which things fall into which category? i've been trying to figure this out for many years now, and i'm still not sure about what goes where . . . .
i'm envious of people who are physically able to attend social events, or events that at least have a social component. i'm envious of people who, once at said events, aren't socially inept and can, with little or no effort, interact with other people. i'm envious of people for whom smalltalk comes easily, and intellectual discussion is exhausting, rather than the other way around, as it is for me. i'm envious of those people being able to physically meet and network with other people who share similar interests.
i'm also frustrated. Frustrated that, quite reasonably, the vast majority of people feel more 'connected' with someone they've merely spoken to for 15 minutes than someone they've been speaking to via emails over a couple of months. Frustrated that, less reasonably, people assume that if you don't attend an event that they are attending, that you're not interested in interacting with them at all, and, probably, that you're aloof or a snob. Frustrated that i have 'invisible' illnesses, so that people assume i'm a healthy young person who's simply being a lazy slacker. Frustrated, ultimately, that my health issues so often limit what i can do or where i can go.
Some of the above things i can change. Some i may be able to change. And some i can't change. The question is, which things fall into which category? i've been trying to figure this out for many years now, and i'm still not sure about what goes where . . . .
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 00:22 (UTC)