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[flexibeast]

Okay. i am very angry.

i have a message that i need to scream out to the world:

DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER AND CALL IT POLYAMORY!

By 'cheat' i here mean "agree to have one relationship style with your partner and then break that agreement - especially on the sly".

This issue has come up a few times in my life recently. Essentially, the scenario is: "i want to have a relationship with someone other than my wife. She hasn't agreed to that, but i'll do it anyway. i'm polyamorous."

Since WHEN has polyamory been simply another word for cheating? The fact is, IT'S NOT.

You know, i've been forced to reconsider my position that polyamory doesn't include the concept of casual sex. i note again that i wholeheartedly endore the concept of casual sex - i just haven't believed that it's part of the concept of polyamory. But someone said something today that made me reconsider that. i'm not entirely convinced, but i'm certainly reconsidering my stance.

i will NOT, however, change my opinion that polyamory involves behaving ETHICALLY and HONESTLY.

And i will continue to get furious at people who help perpetuate the notion that "polyamory is simply cheating" by cheating and then trying to hide their poor behaviour behind the shield of 'polyamory'.
 

Comments

[gendertrash.livejournal.com]

it makes me so angry when people go off on how poly = cheeting or someone is cheeting and then they are like eh it's poly (even though my partner doesn 't know about it)

really pisses me off

i do disagree that casual sex is not part of poly...everyone is different in terms of what they want/are comfortable with and thus every poly relationship is different...i know as someone who is poly i consider casual sex to absoultly be part of how i personally define poly

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*nod* Fair enough - as i said in reply to a comment above:

Yes, well, from what i've been reading, there actually seems to be consensus around that point, and i think it's fairly clear that i will probably have to change my opinion in this regard. :-)

But here's a question for you: would you feel comfortable with someone who only engages in emotionally uninvolved, no-strings-attached casual sex, and doesn't have any other relationships, calling themselves 'polyamorous'?