Surprising emotions

[flexibeast]

i had a bit of an unpleasant experience this morning, after reading the latest LJ entries by naiyah and velitu - more specifically, after reading about naiyah's journey back to hir¹ natural state. i unexpectedly started feeling really down; and it suddenly occured to me that it was because i was sad that i'd never have a cunt as well as a cock. i'm actually feeling quite embarrassed, because i'm very happy that naiyah is finally getting the chance to be hirself, instead of being who other people want hir to be; and i feel that my sadness is undermining that. :-(((

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1. Generally, i haven't been fussed about most sets of gender-neutral pronouns that i've come across, including the set that contains 'hir'; but after reading "hir" frequently in velitu's LJ, it's really starting to grow on me.

Comments

[naiyah.livejournal.com]

:( I can understand these feelings and I'm sorry you're feeling down. with some of the trance work we've been doing to develop a sort of sensory energetic connection to velitu's strap on cock: she hit a huge wall that really hurt her in the fact that she'd never have a 'real' cock.

I can empathize and I won't pretend to understand because I realize I am luckier than a lot of trans and intersexed people.

I don't think your feelings are undermining my journey. our physical biologies are sometimes restrictive to our beings.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your understanding. i'm glad that you don't think my feelings are undermining you; but i still feel uncomfortable about them nonetheless . . . .

Sorry to hear about velitu's experience, too; is this a wall that either of you think can be surmounted?

[velitu.livejournal.com]

ah yeah... as naiyah pointed out, i understand... :( and journals are for writing all this bizz so please don't feel like you are stealing naiyah's happiness.

and i wanted to say ta for putting us onto the intersex doctor. tis such a relief to have someone who understands during a time like this! imagine having to go to a normal gp. they'd have no idea!

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your understanding, too.

As for the intersex doctor: i'm not sure i can take the credit for that one - did i do that? i don't remember . . . .