. . .

[flexibeast]

i'm crying right now. Crying because i'm tired of myself and other people being told - such as in this thread in pornpositivefem - that we should just ignore harrassers, and 'just deal with it'. Despite the fact that people such as myself have to face it everywhere we go - not just online, but offline. Despite the fact that we've often had to 'just deal with it' for many years. Despite the fact that such constant harrassment puts a great deal of psychological strain on us.

And almost no-one seems to care.

i've left the pornpositivefem community. That so many people there are so willing to immediately place a share of blame on the victim means that it's a community that i can no longer be part of.

i'm so tired, and upset: tired and upset because i think it's outrageous that it so often seems to be myself, and other victims of harrassment, who feel forced to keep away from a group, rather than the harrassers themselves; and i'm also tired and upset as a result of people constantly telling me how i 'should' feel about a particular situation.

Empathy Deficit Disorder is everywhere, and it's crushing me.

Update, 12:15pm

i've passed through the crying stage now, and have returned to the rage stage: i've recently posted an rant on the feminist_rage community LJ about all this; and i've also posted an entry on the pleasureact community LJ about harrassment and the LJ Terms of Service.

Comments

Keep on keeping on!

[lart-matt.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* - sounds like a few would be helpful!

Fight the harassers. These people are the ones who should have to change or leave, every time the victim leaves, the harassers win. We can't let this happen!

Many people seem to behave in an appalling manner online; safe from the normal rigours of social convention and the need to be accepted, they will freely indulge in offensive and aggressive behaviour that would never be tolerated in real life. It's awful.

You are on the right track, and you are not the person who needs to change their attitude and/or perspective. The internet makes it possible for people from many diverse backgrounds and societies to come together, to meet others who share their attitudes, and to meet people with very different ideas about life. To make this work requires tolerance, and bludgeoning people who happen to have a different idea of what makes life "tick" is not the way to do it.

Keep on believing in yourself, and stand your ground. I know you can do it!

Matt

Re: Keep on keeping on!

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your support - it's very much appreciated. :-) *big hugs*

[naiyah.livejournal.com]

:( it's draining and people suck. I think my idea of just calling them poo poo faces and leaving it at that would have probably been the smartest one; there's no well thought out argument in response to it.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Indeed there's not; but i'm currently finding it very difficult to cope with the number of people who just don't give a hoot about how one person's behaviour can affect another person. :-(

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

Put contraceptives in their chocky milk! No more of them.

To be serious, yeah, I've seen a lot of this on-line. I'm poop on a newgroup from fighting them over it. They do not own the effect of their words on others (but scream like steam whistles when their bustles are snagged).

A lot of these people are clueless and young, trying to seem tough, others are showing off, some are cowards joining in dogpiles, plenty are just plain deficient in empathy.

I've been so upset I've lain awake all night except when I was up and barfing iover this exact sort of thing.

So I have left that community too, in support of velitu & you guys.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*laugh* re. contraceptives in their chocky milk. :-)

Sorry to hear about your upsetedness. :-( *hugs*

Finally, thanks so much for your show of support - it really means a lot to me. :-) *more hugs!*

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

*enjoys hugs*

we've got pleasureact anyway, don't we?

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Indeed we do. :-) And rest assured, anyone who posts comments blaming the victim in the pleasureact community will very rapidly be put on moderation, at the very least.

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

Good!

I tend to visit imaginary stripes upon the persons of snotty individuals.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*laugh* :-D

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

problem is, they might secretly wish for same...

[naked-wrat.livejournal.com]

I'm really sick of people like the people we encounted in pornpostivefem. Hopefully we can find people out in cyberspace that are open minded, empathetic and cool people. We just gotta find em. *big huge passionate hugs and kisses*

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*returns passionate hugs and kisses* i think we can . . . . because it's been happening, and is continuing to happen. :-)

[candika.livejournal.com]

The insensitive comments on that thread astonish me. You'd really think that these people would look after other members of their community but I see I'm wrong.

But don't worry. We aren't all like that!

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

And i'm very thankful for it. :-)

[velitu.livejournal.com]

somehow i missed this post earlier. i guess i was caught up in all the fireworks.

i'm sorry this has been so hard on you. it has effected me but i seem to be doing ok now. i think the fact that i do not respect the intelligence or logic of any of those "blame the victim" posters makes it easier to just right off. they are just so over -the-top that they are ridiculus. i guess i've been physcologically doing a harry potter "Ridikulus" spell on them like they are a boggart.

ah the mental games i play to keep my sanity. or loose it in a creative and pleasant way... ;)

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

Hmmm . . . . i think the issue for me is that, although i don't respect the people making these comments (how on earth can i respect people who spend lines and lines on blaming the victim and yet hardly mention the perpetrator at all???), i know that these people make up a significant proportion of the population; and so i feel compelled to challenge their ideology. i don't know - i'm going to have to work out a way of managing all this sort of stuff, because it wipes me out, and reduces my capacity to work directly on building the pleasure activist community (rather than indirectly, by opposing people who explictly or implicity support the repression of women's sexuality by blaming the victims of sexual violence). i'm feeling rather overwhelmed by everything right now.

[velitu.livejournal.com]

yeah i know waht you mean. i can never separate one idiot thinking and speaking that way from the overall societal pattern either. i guess waht i was saying was that i did stand up to them. i said my bit and made them look stoopid to any thinking individual and then let it go. bannished them so they don't have the power to keep sucking me dry after the event. it does drain me to stand up to them but i'll be damned if i'll let them keep doing it later! Ridukulus! *poof of smoke*

self mental and emotional protection.

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*nod* Yes, you took a good approach to it all . . . . i guess all i can do is to keep working on adopting that approach myself.

Now it's a protected thread

[lart-matt.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...

I'm not allowed to view it any more - it's a protected thread...

Can't even view my own comment...

Matt

Re: Now it's a protected thread

[flexibeast.livejournal.com]

*nod* Iiuc, the thread owner set it so that only community members can post comments in that thread.